Daniel M. Hoyt

Astronomy SF Anthology Now Online!

2009-02-19T04:53:28Z

Mike Brotherton's eagerly-awaited anthology of astronomy-related SF is now available! I'm very happy to have a story in this antho, which you can read for free, along with all the others.

Funded by a grant from the National Science Foundation, this is an excellent example of the kinds of things I'd like to see our government spending money on in the sciences, so be sure to let everyone know about the antho.

P.S. Read what John Scalzi had to say about the antho in HIS blog.

Luk Ina ... What Now?

2009-02-07T06:37:44Z

(Warning! This post is NOT for those that are easily offended! You have been warned.)

When we were much younger, sarahahoyt and I used to knock around Porto when we were visiting her parents. On one of those sojourns, I nearly dropped my camera trying to get a picture of a truck going by that had rather alarming letters painted on the side. Now, to fully understand this, you have to realize that at that time there were a lot of panel vans (and sometimes panel hatchbacks -- I am not making this up, as Dave Barry says), and they didn't have the gauche American habit of painting the sides with company logos, phone numbers, etc. So, when I saw this particular panel van driving by, I was alarmed by the possible meanings. It was white, with three large red letters: F A G.

Let me take a moment here to point out that I have several gay friends. I'm not homophobic, and I don't make fun of gays. I am, however, not above making fun of companies with suggestive names who don't seem to recognize this fact, and I'm pretty sure my gay friends will get a kick out of this post. This one's for y'all.

Let me also point out that this particular company is German, and this particular combination of letters doesn't have the same meaning as in English. I'm aware of this; save your hate mail responses for something that needs it.

Anyway, back to the story. I was alarmed. Was it a specialized police enforcement version of a paddy wagon? Or maybe some kind of demented delivery company? I didn't know. As I was telling this story to my son robertahoyt this evening, sarahahoyt pointed out that it was a German tire manufacturer and I remarked that I never saw one of those vans again. For the last twenty-some years, I've wondered if I just imagined the incident. Then I thought, "Hey, it's the age of the internet. Maybe I should just look it up."

It turns out the company does exist. They're at ... wait for it ... fag.com. Okay, that's fine, but they seem to be oblivious of the English connotations of their company name, and the more I dug into the company, the more clueless they ... well, judge for yourself.

It turns out that FAG is owned by the Schaeffler Group. Fair enough. If you watch the beginning of their video, you'll notice that their spokesman refers to their two other subsidiaries, "Luk" and "Ina," as words rather than the initials he uses for "FAG," so presumably they're sensitive to what could be an embarrassing brand name. However, they didn't seem to notice that the order of their subsidiaries, their logos emblazoned right there at the top right of the screen, sound out a rather obscene sentence, complete with subject, verb and object.

Looking into their history (the astute reader will note from the URL that they've also smartly snagged fagauto.com), you'll also find that in 1991, they established, without a trace of clue, the "FAG Aerospace Division" (it's the 4th entry down).

At this point, I noticed that Schaeffler Group had a link to "Related Companies" under the logos, with the entry "FAG Industrial Services." I couldn't resist. I swear I couldn't. I should have. I just about fell out of my chair when I saw their main page, which, like the Schaeffler Group, seems to be oblivious. That page prominently promotes -- again, I am not making this up! -- the new "FAG Detector III Plug and Play." Apparently, it "provides easy access to the world of vibration monitoring." Um ... I really don't know what to say to that.

Also, this particular product has its own website as well, fag-detectoriii.de. And the product has a slogan, "Easy handling - low costs."

Oh, I really can't dig into this particular company any more. My irony alarm is just too loud.

Microsoft Soda

2008-12-11T07:25:33Z

Hey, FedEx!

Please fire the idiot that decided to drop the Kinko's brand name! (And, yes, I know they announced this in June -- I just figured they'd have come to their senses by now. After visiting my local FedEx shipping office today, I discovered they haven't.)

This is one of the most boneheaded moves I've heard in years. This is akin to Hershey's buying Coca-Cola and changing the name to "Hershey's Cola". Sure, Hershey's has name recognition -- but NOT FOR SODA! Hershey's isn't that stupid; they'd keep the world-renowned Coke brand name.

(Microsoft, on the other hand, would probably change the brand to Microsoft Soda, but that's another post. Although I have to confess I'm intrigued by the whole idea of fine print on the soda can stating that the contents cannot be guaranteed to be non-poisonous, or even the contents as specified on the label or, for that matter, that there are contents at all!)

Wait a minute! It was all for the stock pricing, right? Let's see how that went. After the announcement on June 2, FedEx stock closed a shade over 90. Today the stock closed just over 60. How's that? Isn't that a 33% loss in value? Isn't that the wrong direction?

At what point do you say, "Hey, we screwed up; do over?"

Kinko's is one of the few examples of a second-generation genericized trademark, one that replaced the original genericized trademark (Xerox in this case -- boomers tend to refer to a photocopy as a "xerox" copy; younger people refer to "Kinko'ing it." Eli Stone's episode this week even referred to "Kinko's" copies -- 5 months after FedEx dropped it!).

I, for one, plan to avoid FedEx Office locations for copies, and I'm seriously thinking of dropping FedEx for shipping, because I can't count on their judgment any more.

Yeah, I'm pissy like that. But I'll be all right in a minute, after I finish my Microsoft Soda cola-flavored beverage.

Scrooge 1 and Scrooge 2

2008-12-08T07:34:49Z

I've decided that my sons have no Christmas spirit.

Scrooge 1 and Scrooge 2 -- as they shall henceforth be called (at least until Christmas) -- have been giving me flack for playing Christmas music on the car radio. Tonight I declared the official start of Christmas movie season, and they paled visibly.

It's not like I'm pushing Christmas on Halloween -- or even Thanksgiving; in fact, I absolutely refuse to acknowledge Christmas before December. We don't really decorate the house -- maybe a string of white lights on the balcony a week or two before Christmas. Heck, we probably won't even trot out the tree until at least the 20th (those of you with multiple cats will understand).

I can't see how a little music and a movie or two qualifies as excessive in the Scrooges' books.

Is there something wrong with the Scrooges? Or is it me?

Gesturing at the Smart

2008-11-23T21:00:40Z

Yesterday, while driving in Denver, I inadvertently signed "Loser" to some poor guy driving a Smart.

It was an accident. Really. I like the Smart car. Sarah and Robert think it looks dorky. Okay, it kinda does, but I still like it. I've wanted one since before it was available in the States, when I saw one of Sarah's cousins pull up at her parents' house in one.

So, anyway, we were driving my wife's Expedition in Denver, near Cherry Creek, and there was a yellow/silver Smart approaching in the oncoming lane. I air-high-five'd the car and yelled, "Smart!" (The windows were up, BTW.) But I realized at the last second that my wife and kids probably didn't have the context and tried to point at the car. I didn't notice at the time, but both Sarah and Robert told me afterward that they heard me yell, "Smart!" then flash the "L" sign at the Smart car. Both of them figured I'd finally come around to my senses and said nothing.

To that driver of the yellow Smart near Cherry Creek, who was driving along, minding his own business, only to have some unapologetic jerk in an SUV sign him that he's a loser, I'm truly sorry. I didn't mean it that way. Please forgive me.

By the same token, I hope that Smart driver doesn't condemn me just because I'm driving an SUV. It doesn't mean that I don't care about fuel prices, or where we get the fuel, or the environment, or whatever it is that some non-SUV drivers think. It means we live in Colorado, where an SUV is the most prudent choice in cars for us.

I'd just like you to respect my choice in vehicles as much as I respect yours.

Better Off Undead is Now Available!

2008-11-04T16:27:54Z

I'm very pleased to announce the availability of my latest anthology with Martin H. Greenberg, Better Off Undead (DAW).

Introduction..............................................Daniel M. Hoyt

AFTERLIFE
A Grain of Salt............................................Sarah A. Hoyt
The Poet Gnawreate and the Taxman............Dave Freer
The Infernal Revenant Service...................Laura Resnick
Mummy Knows Best............................Esther M. Friesner

SPIRIT
Genius Loci...................................Chelsea Quinn Yarbro
Ah, Yehz...............................................Alan Dean Foster
Gamma Ray versus Death........................Carrie Vaughn
Museum Hauntings...................................Irene Radford

FLESH
My Tears Have Been My Meat............Nina Kiriki Hoffman
The Perfect Man..........................................Fran LaPlaca
Two All Beef Patties...........................................Jay Lake
That Saturday..............................................Devon Monk
Walking Fossil..........................................Robert A. Hoyt

UNDEAD
Night Shifted..................................................Kate Paulk
Twelve Stepping in the Dark...................Rebecca Lickiss
Gooble, Gobble, One of Us.............Charles Edgar Quinn
Bump in the Night................................Amanda S. Green
Separation Anxiety.......................................S.M. Stirling

Better Off Undead Review

2008-11-03T06:36:52Z

The first review of my newest anthology, Better Off Undead, has arrived! Follow the link to read the full review, but my favorite part was this:

"I enjoyed them all."

That's what editors (and writers) live for :-)

Dr. Horrible

2008-07-31T04:12:59Z

Yesterday, my youngest son turned me on to this webisode of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

Apparently, Joss Whedon (and family, judging by the plethora of Whedons in the credits) put this together during the writer's strike. It's a little slow at the start, but once Neil Patrick Harris starts singing, it really picks up. I'm not a die-hard Joss Whedon fan, 'cause I think his work is terribly uneven, but he does make a habit of trying new things, so I'm always willing to give his new stuff a fair shake. Besides, it's innovative people in the industry like Whedon that will shape the future of entertainment. (Remember: fresh, new and innovative aren't always strictly correct -- it's the ones who popularize them that get credited with being the first!)

I thought this new approach worked, despite the rather cliched ending.

Dan Hoyt has disconnected

2008-07-31T04:03:11Z

So I'm in this business meeting, and we're nearing the end, and all of a sudden, right there on the big projection screen, in the middle of the Powerpoint slides, comes a message from the intraoffice Messenger system:

"Dan Hoyt has disconnected."

I looked at it in shock, several of my coworkers snickered and the boss got sidetracked. Someone offered the interpretation that the message referred to my interest in the proceedings. I should have been offended, but it was funny so I just laughed.

The really funny thing was that I really had just disconnected, interest-wise. Hee hee.

Sarah's gone!

2008-07-31T03:57:27Z

We took Sarah off to the airport this morning, and she's arrived safely at the RWA conference hotel in San Francisco. If you live in the area and want to meet Sarah in person, look for her there.

Wireless Woes

2008-07-31T03:54:49Z

Well, I got the new HTPC put together over the weekend -- except for wireless. It doesn't like my D-Link DWL-G520 for some reason. No problem with the old D-Link DWL-520+, but it doesn't support WPA encryption, so I can't connect to my network. Fortunately, I have nice neighbors who let me use their connection, so I have internet access, but I don't have access to my file server.

I shall have to research this more, but later. Tomorrow Sarah goes to RWA in San Francisco, so it'll be a busy time.

One more oddity: My Puppy Linux LiveCD takes forever to load into RAM. We're talking a number of minutes, rather than the 20-30 seconds on the 3GHz Celeron. What's up with that?

HTPC Parts have arrived!

2008-07-31T03:50:03Z

All the parts to my new HTPC have arrived, and I'll put it together this weekend.

In the meantime, I managed to resurrect the failing computer after a couple hours of analysis and a replacement power supply I had lying around. So I started thinking that maybe I'll just keep it in service, so I don't have to pollute the new HTPC with anything that's not strictly business-related. Easier for me; better for the IRS.

TV and PC Blues

2008-07-23T05:57:36Z

About 4-5 months ago, our 61" rear projection TV -- the cornerstone of my home theater setup -- stopped working for no reason. I don't know why.

About 10 days ago, my media desktop PC started turning itself off randomly until it wouldn't turn on at all. I don't know why.

What I do know is that I'd been talking with Sarah about upgrading the PC for about a month, and the TV for about a year (what with the impending death of analog over-the-air signals in February, 2009). The only thing I can figure is that the TV wanted to go out with some dignity before it was obsoleted b and the lowly Celeron decided a Core 2 Quad would spank it so much that it felt it had to commit suicide.

So, I've spent virtually all of my free time for the last 10 days researching replacements. In the end, I decided to combine my two goals of a Home Theater PC and a CA art/music CAD PC (you know, Poser for 3D, Photoshop for 2D, FL Studio for music, etc.). On its way is $800 of:

For the computer literate, I made some concessions to keep the price, noise and heat down, with components that still fit into the case, which is probably the best engineered HTPC case I've seen for cooling and acoustics. C'est la vie.

For the less computer-literate, this is an audio-component-looking case that fits in my stereo rack with the DVD, VCR and tuner that's connected to my Dolby surround sound speaker setup -- only this case has a quad-core PC instead of a stereo. I already have the OS, a DVD burner and external ATSC tuners for digital over-the-air broadcasts that I'll move into the new unit to complete the setup.

The only thing I'm missing is the monitor/TV, which I'll order the next time it goes back on sale for $490 (I missed it overnight Sunday), which seems to be every other weekend:

Hanns·G HG-281DPB Black 28" 3ms Widescreen HDMI LCD Monitor - Retail

We haven't really missed the TV that much, and this monitor will not only work as a dandy desktop monitor for the music/art/CAD work, but also as a 1/4-size home theater screen, since the DVD can connect directly to it (and I still get full surround sound through my home theater setup). I love dual-use. Triple-use, actually, since we've moved exercise equipment into the old home theater room, and my intention was to be able to use the computer from a treadmill with a wireless KB/mouse. I think that's doable from 4' away with a 28". We shall see.

Geeks, what do you think? Bear in mind I've already ordered everything but the monitor, so I'm not looking for alternatives at this point. Does it look like it'll work, or am I in for disappointment? (There's no discrete video or audio cards -- although I can put them in later for about $100 combined, if needed -- because there's no gaming going on, just HTPC and CAD, which are far more CPU-intensive than graphics-intensive.) I'm actually pretty impressed with what I can build for this price. (I spec'd out a lesser system for about $600, but I really liked the case, so I decided to go with the higher end components instead.)

Oh, yeah, and I gave away the TV in my first CraigsList transaction, saving me $60-70 ($30 to donate it for recycling and $20+gas+taxes, etc for a U-Haul to take it for recycling, since it wouldn't fit in the Expedition) in the process.

Redmond's Reboot Tuesday

2008-07-11T05:56:19Z

First of all, let me say that I am not a Microsoft basher. In fact, little irks me more than someone who swears by one specific operating system, despite its faults (and they all have faults, believe me) and condemns the ones he doesn't actually use -- there's a word for it: hypocrisy. (The same attitude can be observed in politics and religion, but I'm not getting into that now.)

However...

This thing with Microsoft automatic updates automatically rebooting my system (which typically happens when large update packs are released on Tuesdays, a practice which has earned the moniker Update Tuesday) is just plain stupid. You want me to reboot after applying the updates, sure, let me know. But if my computer has been idle for the last several hours (because the updates are scheduled at 2:00 am, when I'm not likely to be using my computer) and there are several programs currently running, then perhaps ... just maybe ... I actually wanted them still to be up and running when I bring my computer out of hibernation! How hard can it be just to leave the "you need to reboot" message on the screen until I decide to do something about it? I'm not a baby.

To add insult to injury, immediately after the reboot, my computer informs me there are new updates to apply. Say what now? Why weren't they applied along with the must-reboot-and-lose-all-my-work updates? Oh, right, maybe they new updates were dependent on the previous updates, or weren't needed until the first set was applied or something. Nope, it was a single update: the monthly Microsoft Malicious Software Removal Tool update. Get real. That certainly could have been bundled with the hey-let's-screw-up-Outlook-while-we're-at-it-since-you-left-it-running-when-you-should-have-known-we-were-going-to-force-auto-restart-your-system-for-you-without-even-so-much-as-a-howdy-do-because-we-know-from-your-auto-update-schedule-that-you'll-be-asleep-at-the-time-we-give-you-a-generous-five-minute-window-to-reject-the-reboot-but-you-shouldn't-reboot-with-Outlook-open-because-it-will-mess-up-your-files update.

This is exactly the kind of Big Brother tactics that makes for a poor user experience and fuels the aforementioned Microsoft bashing. Redmond, are you listening? Your user experience team is falling down on the job. I could work out a better experience single-handedly. Heck, I'd even be willing to prove it ... on your payroll, of course, not pro bono. Let me know when you're ready to make a deal.

Until then, Microsoft, you should be aware that I'm hedging my bets with other OSes.

Oh, yeah, one last thing, Redmond: That cool radial menu thing y'all are touting for the next version of Windows? I saw the same thing on the Linux on the $200 One Laptop Per Child. And the OLPC has a built-in wireless repeater, so you can daisy-chain wireless connections across the Serengeti. (More on that another time.)

Witch Way to the Mall

2008-07-10T00:24:46Z

One of the more fun things to happen over the last 6 months was that Esther Friesner, know far and wide in F/SF circles as the perpetrator of the Chicks in Chainmail series of anthologies, has started a new fantasy anthology series with Baen ... and she bought my short story, "The FairWitch Project!" Now that's good news! I have, of course, updated my website.

Come to think of it, I also sold my short story, "Star Wench," to David Lee Summers for his Space Pirates anthology. It's also on my website, along with the cover art.

Man's Best Friend

2008-07-09T03:04:28Z

...is a Puppy Linux.

I just created a LiveCD for my company with a standard Puppy 3.01 distro (there are technical reasons for not using the new 4.0 distro that I won't go into unless someone asks) and a VPN client added. Why is this my new best friend? Travelers can boot with this CD and have an absolutely secure connection back to the office without infecting the office network with any malware that may be on their PCs.

The whole OS runs in all of 200MB memory, including the OpenOffice distro, which gives us read/write/edit capability for our Microsoft Office files from the office. To be fair, the standard 95MB distro includes Word- and Excel-compatible editors already; I added the 105MB OpenOffice distro to enable PowerPoint compatibility for a more "standard" office software environment.

The standard distro also includes a Remote Desktop Protocol client, which allows us to connect to our WinXP/Vista desktops, and a Virtual Network Computing client, which allows us to connect to our Unix servers and workstations. I use these tools regularly for telecommuting.

All of this in a neat little Linux package that I can run on just about any x86 PC (or Mac) I'm likely to come across, running entirely in memory, that doesn't have access to my XP file system (unless I want to mount it, which is easy as pie and gives me read/write access to XP's NTFS disk -- something many tiny Linux distros don't do), easily connects to wired or wireless networks, and even has IM and email, not just a browser. Oh, yeah, and I can even watch DVD movies, too, out of the box.

And to make things even sweeter, unlike most Linux LiveCDs, if you boot on a CD burner, you can save your settings and files back to the LiveCD. Of course, if you've managed to hork up the system with malware, you wouldn't want to save your settings when you shutdown -- to be fair, you probably wouldn't even want to do a normal shutdown, just a power off/on cycle, which then restores your OS to a nice, fresh, non-horked-up state in a matter of about a minute.

What isn't included in this little 200MB CD (which, BTW, can be put on a flash drive and booted from that if your PC supports it)? A bunch of games, which you really shouldn't be running in a work environment, anyway.

If you're a software professional that travels, think about what I've laid out for you here, then consider putting together a CD like I did. You won't regret it. Puppy even includes an easy remastering program in the standard distro, which I used to make my very own company-branded CD, complete with logo'd backdrop and company-specific VPN configuration. (Ask me how I did it, if you'd like to know.)

Where Have I Been?

2008-07-09T02:28:15Z

I've pretty much been absent from my own blog since Christmas; I thought I'd explain why. In a word, focus. Focus on other, more important things. Yeah, yeah, that's no excuse for neglecting y'all out in cyberspace -- but to be fair, I never said I had an excuse, just an explanation. That said, I have some things to say now:

1) I'm going to take this blog in a slightly new direction. I'm going to post things that I find interesting -- maybe you will, too; maybe you won't. But I'm not going to worry about that any more. There will still be some writing things; there will be tech things; there will be humor; there will be bizarre observations and ... who knows what else?

2) I'm not going to try to post every day (or even every week), just to post something. I know some people that post every day; I generally read them about once a week, because it's clear they're just trying to fill up their blogs with something, and I usually only find at most one post a week that interests me. I know some people that post several times a day; I generally skip over most of their posts just out of sheer desperation. Maybe all this will change when I have a less demanding and time-consuming day job and the kids are out of the house. Until then, no apologies -- I'll post when I feel like it, period.

3) I'm tired of being nice to people (and groups) that don't deserve it, especially those that ignore basic logic in their arguments. I was trained in logic, and I know how to use it; I do not have to put up with opinions based entirely on heresay or "common knowledge" that has no basis in fact. My "tongue" may become sharp at times. You've been warned.

That's all for now.

Happy Birthday Robert!

2008-07-09T02:12:10Z

Happy Birthday to you, son o' mine.

(And a posthumouse HB to his namesake, Robert Anson Heinlein.)

Santa's Bureau of Investigation, Day 25

2007-12-25T03:37:27Z

From the Dec 25 post-production memo from Elvis Blackhat, Chief of Santa's Bureau of Investigation, North Pole Headquarters:

To the entire SBI Organization,

Thank you all for your hard work, especially Ms. Holly, without whom the Richardson Event would not have been so successfully coordinated. The publicity and news coverage surrounding the Event occurred right on Ms. Holly's projected schedule and resulted in a record BOM reading at midnight, 99%!! Please join me in "officially" welcoming Ms. Holly back to her "former" position.

Please remember it's crucial to honor your security agreement, especially concerning information provided to Santa's other North Pole organizations, all of whom played their parts perfectly, even if unwittingly. Without your cooperation in this area, we cannot effectively plan our next Event.

Again, thank you all for your hard work in making this year's Richardson Event a complete success! Merry Christmas!

Santa's Bureau of Investigation, Day 24

2007-12-25T03:34:42Z

From a Dec 24 speech by Santa:

Ho! Ho! Ho! My Ride is ready and so am I! Ho! Ho! Ho!

Santa's Bureau of Investigation, Day 23

2007-12-24T07:21:47Z

From a Dec 23 status automatically generated by the Belief-O-Meter:

Current BOM: 89%
BOM @-24hrs: 55%
1d-avg BOM: 72% Trend:+
3d-avg BOM: 48% Trend:+
7d-avg BOM: 38% Trend:+
10d-avg BOM: 31% Trend:+
20d-avg BOM: 28% Trend:-
30d-avg BOM: 93% Trend:+
RideRecomnd: Santa

Santa's Bureau of Investigation, Day 22

2007-12-24T07:20:50Z

From a Dec 22 NBS news item about NORAD's Santa Tracker:

According to our sources at the North Pole, there is absolutely no truth in the rumor that Santa will be unable to make the Ride this year. North Pole activities are in full swing, maybe even more than usual. An anonymous donor at the North Pole has even created an online game specifically for NORAD's Santa Tracker, whimsically titled Santa's Bureau of Investigation, perhaps in a nod to our own LaTrina washington's ground-breaking story of spies and Santa earlier this month.

Santa's Bureau of Investigation, Day 21

2007-12-22T06:40:59Z

From a Dec 21 conversation between Glitter Ornament and an unidentified coworker by the eggnog cooler at Santa's Bureau of Investigation, North Pole HQ:

Glitter (whispering): "I wouldn't get too attached to that Ms. Snow."

Unknown: "Why not?"

Glitter (after hesitating): "I just signed for a letter for Mr. Elvis from Ms. Holly."

Unknown: "Ms. Holly? Are you sure? Wasn't she sent to the Coal Unit?"

Glitter: "Yes!"

Unknown: "So what's she sending to Mr. Elvis?"

Glitter: "I don't know. But Mr. Elvis seemed to be expecting it."

Unknown: "Okay, so maybe Ms. Holly didn't get canned. But what's the problem with Ms. Snow?"

Glitter: "Since she took over, Mr. Elvis hasn't read any of her reports. It's like he doesn't care."

Unknown: "Weird."

Glitter: "Yeah. Anyway, do you have any nutmeg for the eggnog?"

Santa's Bureau of Investigation, Day 20

2007-12-22T06:40:02Z

From a Dec 20 elf-o-gram from Belle Chiming, Santa's Sleigh Operations:

great news mom stop maybe santa's ride this year stop practicing for ms angel in case santa can't go stop if belief-o-meter low elves do ride instead stop only happened handful of times so big honor stop must practice gifting now stop love you stop

Santa's Bureau of Investigation, Day 19

2007-12-20T04:36:49Z

From a Dec 19 cell phone call from Noel Blackhat to one of her Elf school friends:

"No, Daddy hasn't been home much since that thing in Ohio. He's been drinking a lot of eggnog and eating a lot of candy canes. I'm not sure what's going on, but Mom says Daddy's going to get an ulcer. And I think some elves from Santa's workshop are doing some odd jobs for Daddy, too, 'cause they keep showing up at all hours, even after I'm supposed to be asleep. And they keep whisp--

"No way! I just got the cutest email Christmas card from this girl I know online, Eve something. It says HoHoHo in the line and Rudolph comes out square dancing with penguins!"